Maybe not everyone,
Maybe just some of us miss this,
To be possessed, owned, somehow controlled,
To be protected, defended, somehow someone on patrol,
To be told don't. hang out with him, I just don't trust him,
To be told,
Don't talk to him, I just don't like him
To see someone afraid of loosing us,
Just enough fear in their eyes to make us feel wanted,
Maybe not everyone,
Maybe just some of us want this,
So much we would give up a part of us to experience this.
Tuesday, 4 October 2016
He is probably in love,
Finally, after so many years of waiting,
For his fragile heart to be sane again,
He knows too well the times he tried giving his all to someone,
The million times he was sure that someone was the one,
The million times, that someone wasn't,
The times he has watched his heart like a spectator,
Knowing too well what will happen next,
He will be sure he likes her,
He will be certain she is the one,
He will ask her out,
He will judge himself for being too open about his feelings,
To a stranger who has everything going well in her life,
But to his surprise, she will say yes, as all the others have been.
He will love her with all he has,
He will spend all his free time with her
He will be insecure about her,
Because what he feels for her is beyond him,
He will not want to see her with any other men,
He will push her away just a few days later,
He will tell her he is not interested,
Because he saw a picture of her with another man on a phone she forgot to put password on,
An excuse, just to feel the thrill of what it would mean to lose her for a minute or two,
They will have a small fight,
He will apologize,
She will forgive him.
They will keep meeting up,
It will become a norm, a routine,
Meet up in the same places over and over again,
Do the same old things,
Fall in love with her all over again,
Constantly wondering if she feels the same,
He will ask her how she feels,
She will not say the words he wants to hear most,
That she loves him,
He will wonder if this is some type of obsession,
He will cry when she leaves to go on with her life,
With the promise of meeting her up the next weekend,
One month later he will stop talking to her,
He will lose interest in her,
The cycle continues.
Monday, 18 July 2016
Friday, 1 July 2016
She never writes about things of the heart; this is just an attempt.
That is why they use the word fall when it comes to love,
No-one plans to fall.
When you find yourself reading and re-reading a text someone sent,
When you find yourself editing every word before you click send,
When you find yourself hoping that person calls,
You're staring at your phone too long..waiting for it to blink-new text message alert,
When you find yourself rehearsing how you will say hello to him when you meet up,
Rehearsing the position of your hands when you two meet up and sit down for coffee,
when you hope the height of the seat and table you rehearsed with is the same with one at the coffee shop,
When you find yourself happy for no reason.
When you think you would give up some things you thought you valued,
When you feel you give up your life for that person.
When time passes and you still feel the same,
When you hold on to the feeling hoping it does not fade,
When you reward yourself for finally being brave enough to let your heart settle,
Being brave to allow your heart to love,
Being brave enough to allow yourself to be like everyone else who is happy with someone they are not related by blood.
When a time comes and you realise it is all a fantasy,
That you barely know the person and have no idea if they feel the same way,
When you judge your heart for rushing into conclusions and fantasies,
When you are about to completely give up and notice the person seems interested,
When the thrill fades because your heart was ready for rejection and this looks like it might go on,
When the interest is lost because you are used to being played,
When you realise you are damaged and what you thought was your heart was your emotions and feelings playing games with you,
When you realise loving a particular person and commitment really isn't your thing.
When you settle for that conclusion and you build back the walls you thought you had the courage to let someone break.
Thursday, 14 April 2016
That is how she feel sometimes,
Behind the face of perfection she put on at times,
Behind the beautiful dress she wears advertised in New York times,
Behind the image of a woman in control of how she reacts to things all times,
The woman who never lets her emotions spill over, she is always always all smiles
The woman who is stable inside.
Behind all that,
Days come when she feels like nothing means a thing,
She gets a little bit too hard on herself for nothing
Maybe not a little,
Maybe a lot harder than the weight these words are carrying.
She overthinks every little choice she wants to make,
Thinks about the choices before it is even made,
How many spoons of sugar for her tea,
Should the phone be on the bed while charging or maybe it's better on the table,
Should she have nodded or simply said yes in her response,
Nodding seems a bit rude,
Or maybe it is OK,
But why not put the effort and say yes or OK instead of simply using actions,
She isn't deaf or dumb,
She can say yes or no,
She has a voice,
Is it about her or the other person, does the other person even care?
Did they even notice she nodded her head?
And what about that time she said yes to a date,
Maybe she should have said no,
Maybe she should not have put herself in a situation where she would be asked out anyway,
The most beautiful girls are like apples,
the ones up above on the highest branch of the apple tree,
they are not reached easily by pickers and they end up thinking something is wrong with them,
Yet all along,
They are simply the best!
She is NOT supposed to be asked out!
She is a good apple, high above the trees!
Lonely but she knows her worth!
Maybe she shouldn't even be putting down her thoughts in writing,
The best people in life are the most secretive,
Or the introverts,
Maybe the best are extroverts,
Maybe it is OK to put down her thoughts.
She is no-longer aware of who she is,
Maybe is trying to find Identity and the more she seeks it,
She loses herself.
She probably needs to relax,
It is probably never that serious,
But who cares anyhow.
Sunday, 27 December 2015
So much to express, That I supress, Every word every text, For fear of Seeing it black as coal, My naked soul so cold, My nasty mind so bold, My wicked side re-told, Through paper and pen Re- born, My mind exposed, As the sophisticated sinful poet.